It's been a long time since I last write a journal. I'm so sorry for neglecting my page. Hi, everyone. I hope you have a great time thorough the year. Watch your step, don't stumble and make yourself sad just like what I did. Hu hu.... T^T


Before I goes on my journal entry I would like to thank everyone who fav my humble work. Sadly there aren't any new work which I want to present for now. Hopefully I would have one since the mood begin to draw strike again.


Although it's a bit late, I would like to say thank you to
**PANDEMONIUM28** for adding me to your watch list. Thank you so much for adding some of my work to your favorite list too. That's make me happy.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** I had a heartache and I don't know where to pour my feeling. I hope you don't mind. **~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Many things happened and this recent event is the worse in my life. I really hope I would never ever experience it again.

It begin within a month ago. A complete stranger (my father knows him very well) wanted to know me and I give him my number. His motive was to ask my hand in marriage. Even he is a stranger to me I just agreed because I thought we would get to know each other first and watch if we're suitable or not.

Then later I found that he's not suitable for me. We always have misunderstanding and he I didn't like the way he joke with me. For me we just know each other he shouldn't joke like that. Making a puke sound after seeing my picture for example. We argue and I ask him not to joke for the time being. But he disagreed by saying; he like to joke and I must accept him as he is.

I made a decision and broke up with him (drastic isn't it?) and I even said my reason for that. I have a feeling if this continue I would experience something worse. At first he agreed

Who knows the night we broke up he's just hastily met my father and said he like me and hope our relationship would continue. He even said he wanted to meet my mother alone. He's brave, I compliment him for that.

Ok, when a relationship involve parents it would make the bond stronger isn't it. My mother and father like him after several investigation on his background. Remember I already reject him and because of his meeting with my father, my mother make me accept him. I reluctantly accept.

When the day he promise that he wanted to meet my mother he forgot to attend to my house. I force him to come because my parent had waiting. So he came with his mother. That's it his mother hastily want us to engaged on 1st march 2009! My parents agreed.....

Then I didn't have appetite to eat for complete 3 days (of course I drank water if not I have been dead today). I cried and cried (father and mother didn't know but my lit sister and my close friends knew). I state my disagreement to my parents but they scolded me. T_________T I shouldn't brought shame to them because they had agreed.

But thanks to God he answer my prayer. On last Thursday after I send him hints that I don't want this relationship to continue he ask me; Did I LOVE him?

You should know my answer to that right? Of course no. We just met. Then he said didn't want to continue the engagement if I didn't love him. Worry we didn't find happiness later after we married. Then why didn't he ask me that earlier? He wants to postpone the engagement.

Just imagine here; if you are parent what would you feel? Right now my mother ignore me and she speak harshly with me because she knew this is what I want and she took pity for his parents. I didn't understand why she care so much for others than her own daughter?


Sorry I brought you all the sad story of mine. I should never reveal this to the world but I feel unbearable. I'm so sorry.

I would surely broke up with him.